Stuck...

I think my big kids' biggest fear here in Russia is getting stuck in the "lift"  or elevator.  I have tried to encourage them to go in the elevator by themselves for independence sake.  For example, if someone comes to our apartment to bring us something, we all have to go down the elevator to meet them.  It would be much easier if my older ones would go down themselves and meet our visitor.  However, after today's experience, their fears are warranted.   God does indeed work all things together for our good.  In this case, the fact that C4 was being mean to C3 was a good thing because it caused my husband to wait on a separate elevator with C4 while the rest of us went ahead.  We live on the 7th floor of a 16 story building.  The elevator is a little smaller than 3' x 6'.    It is small elevator compared to US standards but surprisingly larger than many Russian elevators.  It is also a very dirty place.   A few seconds up the elevator, we could hear the sound of the elevator chains grinding to a halt.  My children's fear had come true.  We were stuck.  Fortunately, my husband was not far behind me.  I forgot my personal rule of not yelling out in English and yelled to him, "Help! We're stuck!"   I began pressing the 3 buttons on the elevator that were not numbers..nothing happened.  My youngest remained calm the entire time.  My daughter began to whimper and was about to cry.   We prayed and I assured them that God would watch over them even when the elevator stops.   Since my cell phone does not work in elevators, I knew that we could do nothing but wait.  My husband called the elevator dispatcher who began to talk to us from her phone to the elevator in Russian, "Machina poexala" The car has left, she was saying.   I tried to ask her how long, but she hung up.   I decided that in order to keep my daughter calm, we should start singing.  But this idea did not go over at all with my oldest who began to get very agitated and hostile towards me.   We waited some more.  Thankfully we had also just gotten back from church, so we had our Bibles with us.  So I began to read the Psalms and from Isaiah "Do not fear..."  This seemed to calm my daughter, when lo and behold the elevator began to go down again.  A few minutes later the door opened, and we were back on the 1st floor where we started.   It was only 10-15 minutes, but it seemed like a lot longer.  After that episode, the kids were too scared to get in the other elevator, so we walked.  And by the way, the stairway has no lights. 
I told the kids that now they would have something to write to their friends.  C4 replied, "I am going to write JB and tell him that I got to go to the roof with Daddy."  I am thinking that he is making this up, but I didn't say anything.   Remember the building is 16 stories high.  Afterwards, hubby tells me that yes, they did get to go to the roof because that is where the elevator repairman had to go to crank up the elevator again.  And he got to look over the edge of our 16 story building.  Sure glad I wasn't there to watch! 

Cultural Rules in Russia

1. Do take your shoes off inside someone's house.
2. Don't smile on the street.
3. Don't be friendly to a customer in a store, restaurant, post office, etc.
4. Do tell children to be quiet in public (if you are a stranger to them).
5. Do yell at said children in buses and on streets for doing things they aren't supposed to be doing (and aren't even aware they aren't supposed to be doing them).
6. Do allow your children to go to the bathroom wherever they please as long is it outside.
7. Don't open the windows even if it is 90 degrees outside. The breeze might make children sick.
8. Don't drink while you are eating.  Only drink before you eat.  It is bad for your health.
9. Do allow children to run around outside in just their underwear at preschool in the summer heat, including girls.
10. Do not smile when getting your picture made.

Just a few from my own observations to share :)

Another cross-cultural experience

Did I mention in my last post that the Korean people are friendly? It wasn't just in the hotel but everywhere on the streets. They always smiled, acknowledged the children, even wanted to take pictures with our daughter. If Korea is super-friendly, Russia is the antithesis. No one smiles at us (unless they know us). Hardly anyone greets us on the street except in a situation that follows. Instead of cute looks at the children, we get stares and then without fail the question comes. "Are these ALL yours?" "U vas detski sad!" (You have a kindergarten!) Yesterday I was with the kids eating an ice cream on the street. This lady approached me and asked me from where we came. She then proceeded to look at each of the children and ask "Are they all yours?" Then more looks. Then "You have four?!" Then she walked away talking to her friend.

Today we all went to the Wal-mart size grocery store to stock up on food supplies for the week. Hubby was waiting outside with 3 of the kids, and I was in line with C4. First, I should say that Russia is mainly a cash society. We have used cash almost exclusively since arriving until last week. Hubby was given an ATM card last week and has just begun using it. I do not have one, and have never used his. Since I did not have enough cash, he gave me the card and quickly told me the pin. Of course, by the time I got to the checkout, the pin had slipped my mind. So when I handed the lady the card, she handed me the pin code pad and asked me to plug the pin in. I replied that it was my husband's card, and I forgot the code. Couldn't I just sign it? (like you can do in the States - either use it like a credit card or ATM card) She replied that no, I had to sign it. I then told her again that I forgot the pin and needed to find my husband who was outside. I told her I would quickly go find him. She replied why can't you just call him? To which I replied that I do not have a phone with me. At this point the checkout lady and the lady behind me became very impatient and rude with me. They were both yelling at me in Russian and told me to hurry up. There was absolutely no grace extended to me whatsoever. The lady behind the checkout acted like she was there for me to serve her own needs. Customer service? A novel concept. What was I to do? I ran off to find hubby and did not return. I took 2 of the children and ran off in tears. At this point I was visibly upset and in front of the children as well. The children were wondering why Mommy was crying, and there was nothing I could do. It is really a helpless feeling. I was immediately reminded of the foreigners in our own country and how we treat them. Do they receive similar treatment, especially those that don't speak English well who don't know all the customs and cultural rules? It was a good opportunity to remind the children of how we should treat foreigners in America. I sincerely hope that this lesson will not be forgotten by me for one. It is really a horrible feeling. And unfortunately in Russia it has been one of several times when I have been treated this way. Americans are not perfect of course. But I do think, that at least in the South, generally we are more hospitable to outsiders. I know it was the case in South Korea.

"Do not oppress a foreigner; you yourselves know how it feels to be a foreigner, because you were foreigners in Egypt." Exodus 23:8-10

"The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the LORD your God." Leviticus 19:33-35

Travel Review of Sorts

Just in case you ever consider a trip to Seoul, South Korea, I would like to offer my review after spending 5 busy days in this city.  For those of you geographically challenged, Seoul is the capital of South Korea.   Korea is a peninsula divided along the 38th parallel following the Korean War where in fact a peace treaty was never signed.  Hence the DMZ (Demilitarized zone).  If you have read or seen anything at all about the conditions or lack of in North Korea, you will be amazed even more at the South Korean economy and way of life.  The sheer amount of goods brought in and sold in this country is amazing, considering its proximity to North Korea.  BTW, another random fact is that North Korean leader, Kim Jon Il, is known to be born just outside Khabarovsk, Russia.  Click here for more info. There is a well known street named after this man.   Not sure that is something about which to boast...
In an effort to not bore those of you who are not planning a visit to Seoul, here are ten things I learned from our visit to Korea.
1)  Don't bring 4 young children to a bustling Asian city and expect to have a peaceful vacation.
2)  Do make sure you visit the Aquarium during the morning hours if for no other reason than to watch the parade of seemingly endless kindergarten classes in matching attire and backpacks.
3)  If you want to delight your young boys (and older ones), send them to the War Memorial of Korea for the day.  So much more than a memorial and will implant history in their minds for years to come! 
4)  The public bathrooms in Korea are surprisingly clean, even in the subways.  And we visited a great deal of them!
5)  It is helpful to know a few basic phrases when traveling to a foreign country like please and thank you and "Help! My child is lost!".  (You would think I would know this from living abroad!)
6)  If you are a young girl and not of Asian descent, expect to be asked to have your picture taken with strangers multiple times. 
7)  Mexican food in Korea is really good!
8)  Figuring out how to navigate the subway system is a feat in itself and somehow rewarding.
9)  Sight seeing with children in a foreign country is less about the sights and much more about the getting there.
10)  McDonalds in Korea tastes much better than in America. To all my health conscious friends, I didn't even feel bad about it!  They don't have fast food in Far East Russia. 

And though we only had our camera with us the last day, here are a few photos.

An outdoor market street

On top of the N. Seoul Tower, halfway around the world

"An ancient 14th century fortress guard"

Sardines, anyone?

Culture Shock

As defined by wikipedia.com, culture shock is "the difficulty people have in adjusting to a new culture that differs markedly from their own."  Despite my solid training in the matter with MTW, I somehow sub-consciously thought I would escape this moving our family to Russia because we survived our first year of married life in Ukraine, whose culture is in many ways very akin to Russian.  And in some ways, it did indeed soften the blow.  All the same, I can see now I was sorely mistaken.  Basically there are 4 stages of culture shock.  They can be termed differently, but wikipedia calls them: 1) Honeymoon phase, 2) Negotiation phase, 3) Adjustment phase, and 4) Mastery phase.  The first phase is pretty obvious.   The second often is characterized by anxiety, loneliness, disillusionment, and sometimes anger towards the host culture.  This phase might describe what I have of late been experiencing.   Example to follow.  It is extremely challenging living in this culture with 4 children and without grandparents or family member to help out.  Most all Russian Moms have a grandmother, an aunt, or a nanny to help them.  Typically they have 1 to 2 children, stay home with the child until he/she is 2 1/2 or 3 years old, and then go back to work.  Companies even give their female employees a full paid year of maternity leave and are required to hold their job for 2 or 3 years, I believe.  So, at Scott's company there are women on maternity leave with temporaries in their place who are on maternity leave filled by another temporary and so on.  Quite disruptive to business life, as you can imagine.  But I digress.  Once the child turns 3 years old, they almost without exception all go to some sort of government or private detski sad (a.k.a. kindergarten/daycare) 9-6, 5 days a week.  When the child turns 7 years old, he/she enters school in 1st grade.  They graduate after 11th grade.  School is very intensive, and academics might be called a golden calf in this culture.  Because of the challenges in daily life here, we thought it might help me if the younger 2 children could attend a detski sad a couple times a week for a few hours and to help them to learn Russian.  So, the ladies at work have graciously helped us search for one.  A week ago, I was taken to visit a private one.  A foreigner could never enter a government kindergarten unless they bribed the officials.  Russian children are put on the waiting list for them at birth.   Upon arrival to the detski sad, I was brought into a 2 room apartment, very neat and orderly, with one small bathroom and one small kitchen.  Thirteen children are cared for in this small apartment.  The lady was very nice with whom we met, and they seemed to have a very structured routine.  However, when I explained to the girl that I only wanted my children to go part-time, she looked at me very surprised.  "But why wouldn't you want them to go all day?"  I replied, "Why WOULD I want them to go all day?  They have never been away from me for long and don't even speak Russian."  Then when asked if my children would eat Russian food that was served, I told her that probably not much at first.  I explained that they were not yet accustomed to Russian food but could become so.  She proceeded to ask, "Well, what DO you eat then for dinner?" (as if to say that everyone eats like Russians)   Lunch is their biggest meal of the day.  Often it includes soup, salad, meat or fish, rice, barley or potatoes, bread, and tea.   The children are also required to sleep for 2 hours with only their underwear on. (I suppose in case they wet the bed.)   I was already forewarned that this might be a shock to them.   I came home from this encounter deciding definitely not to send my children there or to any other detski sad right now. 

The good news is that God graciously provided an American family to be friends with who has similarly aged children. She homeschools her children,  and we are both considering having a sort of "one-room schoolhouse" together this year with our children meeting in a local ministry center.   Plans have not become concrete yet, but we are both excited about what the Lord has in store for this.

If you think of us, please pray for this venture, and for our family to become healthily adjusted to Russian life.