As defined by wikipedia.com, culture shock is "the difficulty people have in adjusting to a new culture that differs markedly from their own." Despite my solid training in the matter with MTW, I somehow sub-consciously thought I would escape this moving our family to Russia because we survived our first year of married life in Ukraine, whose culture is in many ways very akin to Russian. And in some ways, it did indeed soften the blow. All the same, I can see now I was sorely mistaken. Basically there are 4 stages of culture shock. They can be termed differently, but wikipedia calls them: 1) Honeymoon phase, 2) Negotiation phase, 3) Adjustment phase, and 4) Mastery phase. The first phase is pretty obvious. The second often is characterized by anxiety, loneliness, disillusionment, and sometimes anger towards the host culture. This phase might describe what I have of late been experiencing. Example to follow. It is extremely challenging living in this culture with 4 children and without grandparents or family member to help out. Most all Russian Moms have a grandmother, an aunt, or a nanny to help them. Typically they have 1 to 2 children, stay home with the child until he/she is 2 1/2 or 3 years old, and then go back to work. Companies even give their female employees a full paid year of maternity leave and are required to hold their job for 2 or 3 years, I believe. So, at Scott's company there are women on maternity leave with temporaries in their place who are on maternity leave filled by another temporary and so on. Quite disruptive to business life, as you can imagine. But I digress. Once the child turns 3 years old, they almost without exception all go to some sort of government or private detski sad (a.k.a. kindergarten/daycare) 9-6, 5 days a week. When the child turns 7 years old, he/she enters school in 1st grade. They graduate after 11th grade. School is very intensive, and academics might be called a golden calf in this culture. Because of the challenges in daily life here, we thought it might help me if the younger 2 children could attend a detski sad a couple times a week for a few hours and to help them to learn Russian. So, the ladies at work have graciously helped us search for one. A week ago, I was taken to visit a private one. A foreigner could never enter a government kindergarten unless they bribed the officials. Russian children are put on the waiting list for them at birth. Upon arrival to the detski sad, I was brought into a 2 room apartment, very neat and orderly, with one small bathroom and one small kitchen. Thirteen children are cared for in this small apartment. The lady was very nice with whom we met, and they seemed to have a very structured routine. However, when I explained to the girl that I only wanted my children to go part-time, she looked at me very surprised. "But why wouldn't you want them to go all day?" I replied, "Why WOULD I want them to go all day? They have never been away from me for long and don't even speak Russian." Then when asked if my children would eat Russian food that was served, I told her that probably not much at first. I explained that they were not yet accustomed to Russian food but could become so. She proceeded to ask, "Well, what DO you eat then for dinner?" (as if to say that everyone eats like Russians) Lunch is their biggest meal of the day. Often it includes soup, salad, meat or fish, rice, barley or potatoes, bread, and tea. The children are also required to sleep for 2 hours with only their underwear on. (I suppose in case they wet the bed.) I was already forewarned that this might be a shock to them. I came home from this encounter deciding definitely not to send my children there or to any other detski sad right now.
The good news is that God graciously provided an American family to be friends with who has similarly aged children. She homeschools her children, and we are both considering having a sort of "one-room schoolhouse" together this year with our children meeting in a local ministry center. Plans have not become concrete yet, but we are both excited about what the Lord has in store for this.
If you think of us, please pray for this venture, and for our family to become healthily adjusted to Russian life.
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